Me and Rachel KILL Barney!
by HyperBlossomXBrick
Summary: The story that goes to my song. Read and laugh your heads off!


Rachel and Me KILL Barney! :)

1. Okay just to get things straight me and her HATE Barney. He sings a freaking dumb song that nobody likes! Now to all the people out there that like Barney (which we highly doubt) no offense. This story is for the people that hate Barney, people like us. So let's stop the introduction and get on with the story! Oh and I'm Caitlin by the way.

We're so happy that Barney is dead!, I wrote with glee. Me and my friend Rachel had just finished writing our own parody to Barney's favorite song, "I love you". "Now what?", I asked bored, "Read more fan fiction about Barney get killed?" "Nah, dude why don't we just kill him ourselves instead of reading freaking stories about it?" "Good idea, but where would we find him, and how should we kill him?" "Simple, all we have to do is look on the internet and find where he films the show and how we kill him...I will tell you that later." "Okay, let's check the internet."

We found out it films in Dallas, Texas, USA by checking www.. "Well, now we know where we have to go, so now how do we kill him?", I asked. "Hehe we freaking get a grenade so we can try to blow him up, shoot him in the head a couple times and... kick him and punch him till he stops singing the "I love you" song.", she said. "Just like in our parody!", I said with joy. "I know but I want to do something else as well." "What do you mean?", I asked. "I want to chop his big annoying head off cause he is a annoying freaking dinosaur! Did I mention cause he is also a giant purple dinosaur?" "...I like it. LET'S DO IT!", I screamed.

"Mom I need you to drive us to Dallas, Texas today", I said kindly. "Why?", she asked bewildered. "Me and Rachel are going to kill Barney." "I'll be ready in 5 minutes.", she said with approval. "Umm, that's going to take too long!", Rachel yelled. "You're right I'll buy your tickets for a plane right now, JUST KILL THAT DARN DINOSAUR!", my mom screamed. "Alright my mom is going to help us!", I cheered. Now all we had to do was get our weapons.

"Get tickets for today while I go gun shopping.", Rachel said. "My mom is buying the tickets right now so I guess I'll go with you, we also need at least a dozen grenades too.", I said. "I know that but what kind of guns?", Rachel asked. "347s!", I said triumphantly. "Okay but I'm getting Smgs and AK47s.", Rachel said. "Anything as long as we kill that freaking dinosaur!", I said. "Okay so like lets freaking go!", Rachel said impatiently.

By the time we all got home it was 10:00pm. "Your flight leaves at 1:00pm girls so I need to drop you off at 11:30am.", my mom said. "We'll be going to bed now mom.", I said. "I called my mom she said I could stay another night.", Rachel said.

woke up in the airport some how the next day. "How on earth did we get here?", I asked. My mom then appeared with her back in a brace looking furious. "You girls didn't wake up, so I had to carry both of you in my car and you two were still asleep when we got to the airport, so I had to carry you two inside and in the process I broke my damn back!", she screamed. "Couldn't you have woken us up?", We asked in unison. She stared at us then at the ground and then at the ceiling. "GODDAMMIT!", she screamed, and then walked off limping.

"Ah crap! We're going to be late for the freaking gate!", Rachel said as she picked up the bag full of weapons. "Wait a sec...how did those get past security?", I asked intrigued. "I really don't give a crap so lets just call it freaking luck.", Rachel said walking to the gate. I decided to just roll with it so I went with her to our seats.

"Man this bag is heavy.", Rachel said as she was putting it up. "Sir can you help us?", I asked. "Sure, anything for a kid I guess.", he said. He strangely was able to heave the bags up to the baggage carriage. "What the hell is in here?", he asked. "You don't want to know", I said nervously. "You don't even NEED to know so just stop asking questions and put the freaking bag up!", Rachel screamed. "I already did!", The man said annoyed. "Thank you then.", Rachel said.

After a frustrating flight we were finally in Dallas Texas. "God dang it I forgot to look up the address for the studio!", I realized. "You WHAT?", Rachel yelled. "You forgot to look up the god dang address which was probably next to where it says where he freaking films and you didn't see it?", she said. "We could look it up at a library.", I said helpfully. After walking for 2 hours we finally found a public library that said it was open. "Well let's go in.", Rachel said.

After a few minutes of searching and note taking we found out it's filmed at Lyrick Studios Suite 1600 2435 N Central Expy Richardson, TX 75080-2734. "Well we got what we need, now to get to this address!", I said. "Finally, now we can go kill that mother sucker!", Rachel said happily.

After we paid the taxi driver we were on our way to the studio. We were finally going to kill Barney! We were going to kill that annoying freak show. We would triumph and we would be deemed heroes, and maybe I will get HIM to notice me! We're off to kill Barney, the annoying dinosaur! He makes everyone of our ears sore! And the reason we're off to kill him is because because because because because! Because of all the annoying things he does! We're off to kill Barney, the annoying dinosaur! That was fun to think! It's hard to rhyme though!

3. We finally arrived at our destination, and it was about to turn 4:00pm. Luckily we searched what time he films, but we had to find a way in. Would we sneak in? Would one of us act and distract security and knock them out? Or would we dress up as security and go in? We had to decide what we were going to do, which was going to be hard.

"Let's say we're going to kill Barney.", I suggested. "What the heck is wrong with your head?", Rachel said bewildered. "There's gonna be cameras and there's gonna be security!", she said.

"Rachel, everyone hates Barney, so they're most likely going to let us kill him.", I reasoned. "Fine but if one of them calls the freaking police I'm blaming you!", Rachel yelled holding the bag of weapons. "Excuse me sir we need to get into the studio.", I told the guard. "Why?", he asked. "Because we need to kill Barney and if you don't let us in I'm gonna kick the crap out of you!", Rachel said impatiently. "...Go right ahead in.", the guard smiled.

We told everyone that we were going to kill Barney and every single one of them cheered us on and even gave us more guns and ammo! "Told you so!", I said smugly. "Shut the heck up! Now we need to get the stuff out of the bag.", Rachel said. "Right.", I said opening the bag.

We were getting out the weapons. Rachel chose to take two SMG's and two grenades followed by ammo. I chose four grenades and an AK47 with a SMG to boot followed by ammo of course. "Let's go kill that freaking dinosaur.", Rachel said loading the SMG's. "This is going to be fun!", I said excitedly as I loaded the SMG and AK47.

"Um yeah its going to be fun.", Rachel said as we were walking through the studio. "This studio is huge.", I said. "How are we going to find him?", I asked. "Simple we look for the set.", Rachel said. "Okay.", I said. When we finally found the set Barney was about to sing the song to finish the show. "We have to stop him and take out all the cameras before he sings the song", I said "Ah heck yeah!", Rachel said excitedly while putting a silencer on one SMG. "Just leave the cameras to me", she said. "Okay I'll distract him so you can take out the cameras.", I said.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...", Barney started singing. "Move in on the cameras he's starting the song!", I screamed. "Right.", Rachel said walking up to the first camera and shooting it and continued shooting all the cameras. "Shows over people.", she said shooting the last camera. "You're finished Barney you freak!", I screamed as I let out my battle cry. The time had come, we were going to kill Barney!

4. Rachel came up next to me after she shot the last camera. "Now now children, it's not nice to carry weapons and point them at people.", Barney said stupidly. "SHUT THE FREAK UP BARNEY YOU STUPID PURPLE DINOSAUR!", I screamed. Rachel smiled evilly "Can I shoot this god dang purple and green dinosaur now?", she asked impatiently. "You're going to shoot little old me children?", he asked. "Well I don't think that's super dee duper at all." "HEY!", I yelled. "We told you to SHUT UP!" "So SHUT UP just shut up, I will shoot you as many times as I freaking want until I'm out of ammo!", Rachel ranted pointing the gun at Barney. "TIME TO DIE!", we screamed.

I threw 2 grenades and ran behind Barney to attack. Rachel simply stuck a grenade on Barney and ran. I got out my AK47 and started to shoot while Rachel turned around and shot both of the SMG's at Barney. "Aww, I think someone needs a hug!", Barney with a very disfigured face said as he walked over towards us. "Screw you!", Rachel said angrily. "DON'T TOUCH US YOU MONSTER!", I screamed. "You freaking suck!", Rachel yelled at Barney while grabbing another grenade. "Aww, poor little girls, you're so sad!", Barney cried. "You two definitely need a BIG hug each!" "You know why we're sad?", Rachel asked. "Because of you, so take this grenade and SHUT UP!" I slapped that dinosaur across the face, "Beat it doofus!", I yelled. Rachel threw the grenade at him and it landed in his mouth, "Suck on that Barney!" "Oh pumpernickel bread!", Barney moaned.

He blew up again but still insisted on giving us a hug with a very ugly disfigured face now. "Please children just let me give you a hug, there's no need to shoot and throw grenades at people.", Barney said. "Your not even a person you moron!", Rachel said annoyed. "Let's finish him off.", I said. "Take this...MOON SPARKLING SENTATION!" "What are you doing man?", Rachel asked. "I'm performing my attack!", I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Did I buy all these freaking weapons for nothing then?", Rachel asked a little ticked. "Now children fighting isn't super dee duper, kiss and make up already." "SHUT UP, no asked for your dang opinion you stupid deformed dinosaur!", I screamed. "Can we just kill the freaking stupid deformed dinosaur, cause I'm done waiting!", Rachel said. "Sure, prepare to die forever, ready with the song Rachel?", I asked. "Uhhhhhhh HECK YEAH!", Rachel said excitedly.

"I hate you, you hate me, let's go and blow up Barney! With a super big grenade and a bullet to his head, WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT BARNEY IS DEAD!", we sang in unison as we both shot every single bullet and grenade we had. It was over Barney had died. Now there was only one thing left to do. Rachel walked over with a knife, and chopped his head off and spit on him.

Epilogue. We had an awesome time writing this story. We hope you will enjoy it as much as we did. Read and review please. Oh and we said in the beginning, this story is for the Barney haters. So to the lovers, DO NOT FLAME ME! Because nothing anyone says is going to make me take this down!

Barney's Tombstone: Here lies Barney the Dinosaur, a dinosaur that NOBODY freaking liked!

Disclaimer! I do not own Barney. THANK GOD FOR THAT!


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